Honey or Tar
by Shiuta-san
Summary: After their encounter with Sasuke, Sakura is left sad and confused. One-shot. Sakura's thoughts on the two most important men in her life. NarutoxSakuraxSasuke


...

* * *

_"I undressed you with my eyes I have_  
_Maybe even raped you_  
_In a dark and eerie corner of my mind._  
_I tucked you there,_  
_And touched you in a dream last night_  
_Pushed you aside when you entered_  
_My thoughts at the wrong time."_

**-Honey or Tar, CocoRosie**

* * *

Cruel light pierced through my closed eyelids as the morning sun filtered through my curtains. I blinked several times, surpressing a sneeze at the sudden change in lighting. I rubbed my eyes with the backs of my hands, the slightly crusty feeling that had been there earlier vanishing immediately. I moaned softly, pushing myself out of bed and sitting on the edge, the pads of my feet touching the hardwood floor of my apartment.

I shivered slightly, realizing that I had gone to sleep without any clothes on. I quickly pulled the sheets up around me, looking around my room swiftly, before realizing that I was clearly alone. It was my home, after all. I sighed, dropping my arms to my sides and pouting slightly. My muscles ached, and my head hurt, and I hadn't even done much. Although I had not physically exerted myself during our last encounter with our estranged teammate, Sasuke, it had taken a lot out of me.

I never knew what it was, exactly, about Sasuke that had drawn me to him all this time. He wasn't particularly kind, nor was he a very happy person. He wasn't open, he wasn't trusting, and clearly, he was not trustworthy. But I had felt these feelings for him since I was very young, I guess I had just stopped questioning it.

I pushed myself off of my bed, and I walked swiftly into my bathroom. I turned on the water, letting the water run over my hand until it had warmed up, and then I stepped into the shower. The warm water flowed over my aching body, washing away my doubts and worries that plagued my mind. But only for a few minutes. I leaned my forehead against the shower tiles, suddenly feeling weak again.

No matter how hard I trained, no matter how much I progressed, I always felt weak. Weak for letting Sasuke leave. Weak for letting Naruto go after him without me. Weak for making him promise. For making him promise to bring Sasuke back. It was a promise that still weighed him down, and it was all my fault. I hadn't even realized it- Sai had had to point it out to me. _Sai._ That emotionless, naive, idiot Sai who couldn't even tell right from wrong when it came to manners. Even he could pick up on it.

Perhaps my obsession with Uchiha Sasuke was part of the reason I had always been so blind to Naruto. But then again, I suppose that was me just making excuses. I had been mean to Naruto since day one- Always snubbing him for Sasuke. Never taking his feelings into consideration. The day that we were first put on a team together, I remember that Kakashi had made us say our hobbies, our dreams, things we liked, and things that we didn't.

_"Naruto,"_ I had answered stubbornly when questioned about things that I did not like. Naruto had been much more obnoxious then than he was today, but even so, that was no excuse for my treating him the way I did. But I had been blinded by my affections for Sasuke- And look where that got me.

I turned off the water, stepping back out of the shower and toweling my short hair dry. I slipped on my typical attire. I had to speedily iron my black apron skirt, as there was a large crease going straight through it. I buckled my boots, walking into the kitchen and turning on the stove, setting a tea kettle down on the burner. I pinched the bridge of my nose, another headache piercing through my skull.

Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke. What was it that I saw in him? Certainly looks, but I didn't wish to simply settle for the fact that I was just another shallow girl who was simply drawn to a person because they were physically attractive. But if I really got to thinking, just what in his _personality _made him attractive? Certainly not loyalty. Bravery? Yes, I thought to myself, Sasuke was brave. Sasuke was very brave- And he was committed, but only to things he wanted. He wasn't committed to me. He was probably more committed to Naruto than he was to me, even if it was a commitment to kill him.

But then, Naruto had all of these traits, too. And many more, for that matter. Naruto was brave, committed, kind hearted. Spirited, happy, loving. One man was like honey, the other like tar. One would think the choice would be clear.

Sasuke always said that he was like this because this is what people had made him to be- Whatever that meant. He always said that he was an avenger. But that gave him absolutely no right to do what he was doing now. He had betrayed Konoha. Betrayed _us_. Betrayed Naruto- Betrayed _me_. But did that stop him? Had that ever stopped him? Had he ever once paused to think, 'How is this affecting those people who cared for me'?

No.

No... He hadn't.

And I doubted that he ever would.

What I had felt for Sasuke had been, partially at least, admiration. He was so strong, and I had been so weak. But to gain one's strength from things that were evil wasn't something that I could admire. Not anymore. So why was I still so hung up? Wasn't the choice clear to me?

Naruto was pure, and good. Like the rising sun, as cliche as that sounds. Despite his horrible past which was, if possible, maybe even worse than Sasuke's, he had never succumbed to those voices and feelings that had now taken Sasuke over completely. Perhaps it was because none of his bonds had ever been broken. Perhaps it was as Sasuke said- He never had any bonds to begin with, so how could he understand? But pain is pain. And Sasuke, it seemed, just wasn't strong enough to resist the growing darkness inside him.

Not like Naruto.

So why was it so difficult for me to move on? Naruto was here, and Naruto wanted me. Naruto _did_ love me. It had been plain as day to everyone else but me. But now that it had been officially pointed out, it seemed so obvious. Naruto was always protecting me, guiding me, encouraging me. Hell, he had beaten Gaara just to save _me_. Poor, whiny, weak little me. He had sacrificed so much for me. What had Sasuke done?

Sasuke had broken my heart, shattered my hopes, and ruined my dreams.

The whistle of the tea kettle brought me out of my wonderings, and I swiftly turned off the burner. I pulled out a mug, setting a tea bag inside of it and pouring in the boiling water. The sweet aroma filled my nostrils as the steam rose from within the clay mug, and wrapped my hands around it to warm myself. I sighed, stepping outside to drink my tea as I waited for nine o'clock to roll around. I blew gently on the surface of my drink, cooling it before taking a sip. It was sweet and warming, and I felt that warmth spread through my chest.

I got this feeling every time that I saw Naruto. A warm sort of feeling that radiated from my chest and eventually spread through the entirety of my body. Every time he smiled, every time he touched me, just seeing him made me happy. I wondered if perhaps I did love him, and maybe I just didn't know what to call this feeling that I felt.

Every time that I saw Sasuke, a strange sort of chill went up my spine. My heart beat rapidly, and my cheeks warmed, which contrasted greatly with the never ending chills. Every time I saw him, I was over come with memories- The first day I saw him, the first day we spoke. The first time he touched me, as well as the last. The day that he left. And a strange sort of sadness would always fill my heart.

I wanted to help him. Heal him. Save him.

Maybe that was the difference between him and Naruto. Naruto didn't need saving. Naruto did well all on his own. All by himself, he had grown into this honorable hero of Konoha, despite everything else in his life. Just for Sasuke, he was putting his dreams of becoming Hokage on hold- Perhaps forever. I shut my eyes, biting back tears as I remembered Naruto's words that day.

_"Sasuke, I've decided. When we fight, we will both die. I will shoulder your hatred, and maybe then, in the afterlife, we can better understand one another."_

'I don't want to understand you', Sasuke had replied. I knew that he did. The two of them had always shared a bond on a level that I just couldn't connect with. I don't think Kakashi could, either. They had never been 'close', as one would call it. They didn't hang out, they didn't trust each other with secrets, if guys even did that. They just let each other... Be.

I guess it's something that I would just never come to understand.

I walked back inside, setting my now empty mug in the sink and checking the time. My eyes widened- It was ten past nine. I was late. I dashed into my room, picking up my kunai holster and strapping it on. I paused, my eyes coming to rest at the picture beside my bed. A goofy grin was plastered on Naruto's face, along with a stubborn glare on Sasuke's end. Where had that Team Seven gone? I missed it.

Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I jogged out the door, not bothering to lock it. The dirt shifted underneath my sandals as I ran, people moved out of my way in front of me without hesitation, and I soon made it to the bridge where he had said to meet. I stopped running, skidding to a stop just before my feet touched the wooden planks of the bridge. The familiar whiskered face of Uzumaki Naruto turned to me, beaming down at me from the railing of the bridge.

"Good morning, Sakura-chan," he said, that lovable husky voice of his causing a spark to ignite in my heart, sending that lovely warm feeling that could only ever be brought on by him through my body in waves. I smiled up at him, taking a few steps towards where he sat. I was nervous. We had barely spoken since we had returned to Konoha, and left the weakened Karin in the hands of Ibiki.

"It's good to see you, Naruto," I said happily, and I meant it. His smile grew, and he hopped off of the railing, landing heavily on the wooden surface of the bridge.

"You ready?" he asked, motioning to me to follow him to the training fields where we had had our first test with Kakashi. I nodded, and Naruto jumped slightly from surprise as I took his hand in mine, leading him on behind me. We would train, and we would get better. I would get better. And then we would bring Sasuke back, and I would not let either of them die. And then... Maybe then, I could finally be at peace.


End file.
